The secret magic of “excuse number three”.
Back in the bad old days, when I was struggling with anxiety, panic attacks and agoraphobia, it was a major struggle just to simply leave the house.
I had a very close friend who did not really seem to understand how much I was truly struggling. The two of us used to do a lot of adventures, and traveling together.
We would usually be out rock climbing, camping, or exploring some crazy country together. When I started to struggle with anxiety in a really big way, he could not seem to wrap his head around it. So we ended up speaking in code.
Speaking in code? You might ask. Yes because of the fact that I had so much shame around what I was experiencing I had a difficult time seeing that I could not go skiing because I was afraid to get onto the chairlift. Or I was simply unable to say that I did not feel comfortable having him come pick me up while we went to go mountain biking. I had to drive my own car, to feel at least a little bit in control.
So we came up with the code.
If there was ever a time when my anxiety felt like it was too much for me to handle and I was unable to leave the house for the day or to go out and do some adventuring or exercise, I would simply say “excuse number three”.
We had established that instead of me lying about how difficult it was for me because I had difficulty excepting it myself; we agreed that I would simply say “excuse number three”. This person was and is still very close to me in my life. And the reason I’m telling you this is because it is important for you to have a support system in your life. And people who can support you through this as you are working your way out of anxiety and panic.
You see, he knew how difficult it was for me to even say I can’t go today because I’m experiencing too much anxiety. So he made it easy for me and it was actually his idea to come up with this code. That is a true friend. That is someone who even though they don’t understand exactly what you’re going through the truly understand and value your relationship. And love you.
I cherish this person. We have been through some difficult times together and we have even had some times when it was “friends off”. But each time we mend our relationship our bond is stronger and stronger.
You need people like this in your life.
If you feel that you do not need people like this in your life, you are deluding yourself. Excuse me for being so blunt but it is true. There is strength in numbers especially when it comes to understanding, dealing with, and getting you out of anxiety.
I am not saying that you have to go out and join a support group and sit in a circle and talk about all of your problems, but what I am saying is even if your family and friends do not understand how difficult things are for you you still need to have these people close to you. The vast majority of people who struggle with anxiety and panic disorders find that it’s easier to not be around people.
To push them away.
The truth is it’s easier when you do have someone who understands you. Even if they do not understand what you were going through.
Yes we all feel that it will be easier if we are simply alone and we push people away but the truth is that we need that support we need that backing we need that community.
One of the biggest reasons that we need that is because it’s important to understand the anxiety and panic is simply a rough patch. Now it may very well be that it’s been a long rough patch, but it’s important to understand that it is simply a rough patch.
These people in your life your family your friends that know you very well, understand that you are simply going through a rough patch. It is especially important because anxiety is very good at making you forget that it is just a rough patch.
You see, your friends and your family see you in a higher light then you see yourself. Now that may be a little difficult to except in this particular moment, but it is true they see you more for who you are then you see yourself in many ways. They see you as stronger than you actually are in this moment. Now although it may be difficult for them to see you struggling, they understand and know that you will make it through even though, even though you may have forgotten.
It is the job of a CEO to maintain division of the corporation. It is your friends and family’s job to maintain the vision of you, as you were struggling with anxiety. Let them do this for you, let them support you. This is just a rough patch my friend. In the end is certain, you must just simply not stop.
You’re awesome, keep going!
Ben
The Anxiety Resolution Community