Can you relate to this?
I am a single mum of 2 & after a very long time I have decided to go back to studying, with so much focus on my daughters lives I’m finding it hard to concentrate on my studies. I know with a clear mind I am capable of doing this but I am having panic attacks because I can’t focus on myself and what I want to accomplish. I would appreciate any advice at the moment.
Ok, so to me, someone who sees different “cases” of anxiety all the time, this one is pretty simple. She feels guilty, very guilty about wanting to do her own thing. I have worked with many mom’s and there is often a lot of guilt surrounding “being a good mom” for many many women. I assume this is something that is ingrained in women from a very early age. I can tell you that of the women / mom’s I have worked with, it is a struggle. The constant pull to be a “good mom” and the desire to still have a life of their own.
This woman feels the pull of two worlds. This pull is where the anxiety lives for her. There is no “cause” of anxiety, but there are roots to the issue. For each of us the issue is something different, but we all have many commonalities. These commonalities are what make treating and healing anxiety and panic attacks possible.
I only have this one paragraph to go one, but I can tell you this much. This mom feels a debilitating amount of guilt around “doing something for herself”. We have all heard the phrase “a woman’s work is never done”, it is fair to say that she believes this wholeheartedly. As a result, the inner talk is likely, “who am I to do something for myself when my children have needs to be met and I have work to be done as a parent”. Or “how selfish am I to do this for myself, when there is so much else to be done”.
A panic attack is a freak out, and it is when something “scared” is threatened. Sacred such as, “as a mom it is my job to put my children first, always”. So for her to attempt to do something for herself means challenging old programming in the mind, and it means that there is a part of her that is freaking out for going against this programming.
In its shortest possible form, that sums it up right there.
She is going against what she feels she is supposed to do. When THE truth, is that she can do both, she can be at peace wearing both of these hats, or as many hats as she wants.
Step 1. Make peace with going to school, doing something for yourself AND being a mom.
Step 2. You’re done with panic attacks and anxiety.
You think I am kidding don’t you. In this case, it is that simple. You see panic attacks often happen because we go against what we think we should do, or go against what we think is expected of us, or going against what is “right” or “true”. Hear me now and believe me later, all of these things are just ideas. Just concepts. She can go to school and be happy without panic attacks and be an awesome mom.
All that is necessary is to challenge these ideas of what it means to be a mom. When I was in grade 9 and 10, my mom went to back to school. But she hung around a lot longer than she had to because she felt she was supposed to. It wasn’t until we (my brother and sister and I) told her to “get a life mom”, that she finally got it and said. “Ok, I am going back to school”.
My mom needed some form of permission to let herself do that. This mom here also needs to wholeheartedly give herself permission to do that. She does not need it from anyone else, but herself, but she needs to do this. This permission makes it OK, it makes it possible to do this in peace and with a smile, or at least without panic attacks.
So, whoever you are, please hear this:
1. You can go back to school. It’s ok. You have full permission from us :). Not that you needed that, but hey, if you did, you now have it.
2. Now give yourself that permission to do so. Not on some superficial level, but deeply within yourself. Grant yourself the freedom to do this wholeheartedly and as best as you can, as a mom.
3. You are loved by your children. It s universal thing, so I can be safe saying this is true even though I have no idea who you are.
4. You are a better mother than you think you are. Again, this is a universal thing that most moms think they suck, but in actuality, they are awesome, or damn close to awesome.
5. Your panic attacks and difficulty around focus come as a result of this nasty old programming. (enter plug for course and coaching :), which is awesome!!). In my course and coaching I teach you exactly how to remove, get done with and dissolve this old programming. That is exactly what the course is designed to do, the coaching takes it even further and shows you how to use the tool of the course in many different ways so that these “roots” can be wiped out.
6. Momma, you’re doing ok, you will make it through this, just let go of some of that motherly guilt and tell yourself it is ok for you to have a life AND be a mother.
7. Go back relearn the grounding technique and practice it every day, especially if or when you get anxious. You can watch the video here again. In fact, I highly recommend you keep watching this video until this becomes a daily practice for you. It just so damn good on so many levels.
http://anxietyresolutionmethod.com/anxiety-free-report-original/grounding-video/
8. You’re awesome, breath that in.. know that the Anxiety Resolution Community is behind you every step and every breath.
(Make sure you check out our previous post, its a bit more instructional as well – Click Here To Go There Now..)
-Ben